New Years Resolution

I am not one to believe in New Years resolutions and I usually do not make them but when I do it is for a very good reason.
I usually make resolutions for two reasons: 1. When I feel my life has gone so far out that I need to reel it back to the center. 2. I need to make drastic change to save the life that I have. The first time I made one of these drastic resolutions was in 1990 when I switched from case management to teaching. I made the resolution that I would change careers, so on New Year's Eve 1990 I resolved to start taking education courses at the University of Saint Thomas. In January of 1991, I enrolled in two classes at Saint Thomas leading me into teaching. The next time I made a drastic transition resolution was 8 years later in 1999. I resolved that I would do two things lose weight so I would not begin the next century overweight. I also resolved that I would meet someone that would change my mundane life and save my life.
On MLK day 2000 I began an exercise program to shed the 75 pounds that I was overweight and went about the task of meeting the life changer . I met that life changer but did not follow the advice given to me by them. If I had my life would be very different from what it is now.
So here I am on December 28, 2011 making another transition resolution. This one will have several parts : 1. Continue on the fitness and weight loss program started in April of 2011 . This will do two things a. change my appearance.b. rid me of type 2 diabetes forever. c. extend my life and its' quality for years to come.
2. a.Continue to develop my skills as a comedian and comedy writer. To improve my skills as a film maker. b. Complete the documentary on women who do open mic started in August of 2011.c.Submit this documentary to a few film festivals and gain recognition for the subjects of this effort .
3. Start a new relationship with a woman who will change my life and outlook forever. Someone with spirit, compassion, intelligence, passion who loves me for me and sees not only who I am but what I can become . Someone who thinks I am special , shares my space but also allows me to have it to myself. Someone who makes me laugh and cry someone who sends me who I send.
4. Start a new career in IT, technical writing and higher education teaching. This will give me the time to see my full potential and live the rest of my life on my toes looking towards the sun.
I know this sounds like a tall order but what are resolutions for but to fill a tall but unfulfilled order.

You Can't Always get what you Want or Can You

There is an old Rolling Stones song entitled " You Can't Always get What you Want" I used to believe that until just a short time ago when I realized one thing. What was that one thing you might ask ? The people who always get what they want do so because they refuse to accept less.
There was a point in my life when I thought that less was more and that if I got something that was all that mattered. That has been the case for work, relationships and "stuff" in general. It took me a number of years to realize this but now I understand. If I want a better job, I have to hold out for the best most ideal perfect fit job for me the so-called dream job .
The only reason it is a dream for the rest of us is because we cannot visual ourselves in a position of employment that we actually like and satisfies all of our needs, a job we feel good going to. We call these jobs "dream" jobs because we were taught by our families that work was just that a means to make money and create stability no matter how boring or unfulfilled they are.
So work became just that a lifelong drudge that was supposed to be a means to an end becomes the end. We work in unfulfilled jobs look forward to retirement do nothing when we get there and die never having lived.
I am making a transition in my work life and it is going be better than my present work because I will be under control. Not the incompetent shrew who is currently the principal of the school that I am assigned to . Not glad handing union representatives, not teachers jealous that I make more money than them just me .
I am also making a transition in relationships. I was in a unfulfilled relationship that was as boring and mundane as my job with a woman who was more into controlling the person that I was and not helping me realize my potential . She used passive-aggressive tactics to try and keep me under control but I took it thinking that it would get better that love would enter our marriage again and I should not leave to find someone who really loved me . AT that point I realized that it was important that I look for the person that I can have a loving relationship the person who sends me me , who I send. I am not looking just to date I am looking for the one. I now know what I want and I will not rest until I get it and I will not settle for second best. I hope the person that I am interested in understands this and realizes that I now want to live my life, I want to live it with someone who also wants to live not someone who is waiting to die.
You can always get what you want if you are not willing to settle for what you need . The only person who knows what you need is you . I need to live and I will do what is necessary to make that happen.